This blog post is going to be a tad bit personal. It’s the worst feeling to have to go through anxiety. Unfortunately, I too have anxiety issues; and I hate myself for it. I often find myself asking these questions, “Why do I have to be so anxious all the time? Why am I like this? Will this never go? Can I be at peace for just a while? Why do I have to panic all the time?”
Picture credit: Kawaii Korner
It’s taken a lot of strength for me to come to terms with the fact that being anxious isn’t my fault. It’s something that might stay with me throughout my life, or maybe I will one day overcome anxiety, but for now we are uncertain about it. A lot of it is actually related to the sudden death of my Father. It has been 5 years now, but I am still processing his absence, and this is the one thing that is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
I detached myself from everything that I loved in my life. I stopped writing, I stopped telling stories, I stopped dancing, and I stopped being me. I have always tried to find something in which I would find some peace. And surprisingly, the thing which gave me a lot of peace was Kawaii. All the stuffed toys that I buy, all the cute things that I possess, they give me happiness. The idea of being surrounded by adorable stuffed toys, gives warmth to my heart. Even if I am at the epitome of my anxiety, watching ‘We Bare Bears’ or Rilakkuma makes me feel a thousand times better.
You know they say if you are upset, clean your room, it will lift your mood? When I am upset, I clean my stuffed animals. I wash them, I dry them and I arrange them neatly in my room. I know people who resort to bad habits like excessive drinking and they think it will wash away their pain, but I feel extremely happy that I didn’t take any kind of a bad route towards my anxiety. If anything, I hate drinking.
Do you know what my idea of a perfect weekend is? All cozied up in my blanket and watching Rilakkuma on Netflix. This for me is an absolute heaven. I don’t really know how or why Kawaii therapy works so well for me, there has to be a reason behind it; maybe I just haven’t been able to find that out yet. But I am really happy that it works for me. Maybe I have fond memories of me and my Dad shopping for stuffed animals in my childhood and I try to compensate the void in my heart now by buying as many stuffed toys as I can.
I was contemplating writing this blog post at first. When we were asked to come up with an idea for the final project, I instantly knew that I wanted to work on something that I love the most in my life. And there are very few things that are very dear to me in life. My mom, my sister, my soft toys, my bare bear bottles and chocolates. I just had to spend few minutes thinking about my topic, and then I knew what I wanted to create my website on. “Kawaii”- An integral part of my life!
I thank you all for reading my blog post. I hope you enjoyed reading my blog! Thank you for all the support!
Till next time!
Kawaii Korner- Everything Kawaii!
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